To feel it in your guts

June 22nd, 2011

Feeling lonely at heart, the important souls in my life seemed to have either passed or have drifted further away in life… In a time when all you need is your beloved company, you end up with very little.

I try to find solace in my dear family & books.. it helps, but does not fill the gaps..

Sorry for being away, I have not been able to get myself to write down anything in my blog, my blog feels as empty as myself. With all the sudden changes around me, i feel rather speechless & lost, trying to figure out where to put the right words..

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Silence is usually misunderstood from those people around us, but only very few people know how to interpret it in a way that does not make your silence seem like carelessness. Those people are your true friends.. They will always KNOW deeply in their hearts that your silence is a plead for help.. For them to be near you..

I miss my friends way more than i can describe. I understand how busy everyone’s life is.. & how empty mine has become..

I hope the coming days bring back meaning into my life…

اللهم يسر ولا تعسر

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Granada Trilogy book review & more..

April 26th, 2011

Let me start this post with a  review of the Arabic book : “The Granada Trilogy by Radwa Ashoor:

‎ثلاثية غرناطة للكاتبة رضوى عاشور

‎لست متأكدة كيف عساي أن أكتب عن هذه الثلاثية، فمشاعري وآرائي مختلفة تجاهها ولكني أجد نفسي مولعة بالكتاب في نفس الحين. اقتنيت الرواية من معرض الكتاب الأخير  بأبوظبي وبدأت في قراءته منذ ٣ أسابيع. النسخة التي معي هي عبارة عن الكتب الثلاث (غرناطة- مريمة-الرحيل) مضمومة في مغلف واحد.
‎أحداث الرواية تبدأ في عام ١٤٩١م ، وهو العام الذي سقطت فيه غرناطة في أيدي ملكي قشتالة وأراجون بعد تنازل آخر ملوك  غرناطة المسلمين – أبو عبدالله محمد الصغير- عن الحكم.
‎لقد انتابتني حالات من  الحزن على ما كانت عليه غرناطة العرب وإلى ما صار بها بعد استيلاء الصليبيين على الحكم. فمظاهر التنكيل بالعرب و تنصيرهم الاجباري وترحيلهم كاد أن يتركني في حالة اكتئاب لولا رحمة الله بي! مع كل مظاهر الأذى التي اتبعها المستعمرون، كان ثبات مسلمي غرناطة على دينهم – ولو بالسر- مفخرة و صورة مشرفة لصمود المسلم حتى في أشد الأوقات.
‎اللغة المستخدمة في هذه الرواية راااائعة، فكم اشتقت لقراءة كتاب تكون فيه اللغة العربية في أبهى صورها، كلمات معبرة، شاعرية لا مثيل لها،  معجم غزير ولكن في نفس الوقت، كل ذلك لا يؤثر على سلاسة الجمل وسهولة فهما واستيعابها.
‎أبطال القصة كثر ومن أجيال متفاوتة، ولكن لكلٍ أثر طيب تركه في نفسي،.. أراني كنت أغضب من بعض الشخصيات فأشمئز منها، ولكن الكاتبة – رضوى عاشور- عرفت كيف ترجع مكانة كل منهم إلى قلبي.
‎من أكثر ما أحببت في الرواية هو عشق أهل غرناطة للكتب، والعلم، واللغة العربية، وهو أيضاً من أكثر ما أرقني، ففي تلك الفترة منع الأهالي من اقتناء أي كتاب عربي، فأحرقت الكتب على الملأ – إلا ما رحم ربي ودسّ  في البيوت بغير علم السلطات، ومنع التخاطب باللغة العربية و ممارسة أي عادات عربية واسلامية، بما فيها الأكل واللبس العربي و الاحتفال بالأعياد وصوم رمضان. كم هو صعب تخيل نفسي حاضرة في تلك الفترة من الزمن! فكيف لي أن أعيش من دون اسلامي و عروبتي؟ اللهم لاتفتنا في ديننا.
‎لن أطيل الحديث، فلا أظنني قادرة على وصف هذا الكتاب من دون أن “أخرب” على من يريد قرائته
‎إن كنتم من عشاق غرناطة وتاريخها الزاخر، فلااااااااااااام تقرون هالكتاب، باختصار شديد يعني

This awesome book has been translated into English (and Spanish), so for non-Arabic readers, you may grab a copy of it, although, I cannot judge the quality of translation because I only read the original Arabic book. Unfortunately, you would  miss the beautiful language in which it was written in, but I am sure the story would be as interesting.

Tagged by Tine
I’ve been tag by sweet Tine a while ago, & here’s my reply. If I am correct, it should be handwritten, so please, I beg you, try to read without squinting your eyes too much >_<. I also tag any blogger or blog follower  :)

Redecorating
It seems like the only thing I’ve been doing since God knows when is redecorating or furnishing. Having your own place can seem as an interesting idea, but it needs lots of work, & i mean LOTS. And with me being the extremely picky me, it’s a nightmare! one day I have a whole concept created on Photoshop and home planning software, & the next day I find myself doing the complete opposite. It’s frustrating, but the results tend to be satisfying enough for the time being.

I leave you with my next read, yes it’s another Arabic book =)

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A moment in time

April 19th, 2011

There comes moments, when you find yourself feeling so lonely and empty, despite being surrounded by people. You become unconvinced in those around you, just because you yearn for the presence of others. It’s funny how we human beings tend to always want what we cannot have & dream about things we cannot reach, but it’s soothing to also know that nothing is impossible, & it’s even more pleasing to remember that what we cannot reach in this life, we will, enshallah, reach in the after by God’s mercy. It’s a relief believing strongly in the afterlife, I cannot grasp how none believers find afterlife a silly concept. Isn’t it much sillier to live your life for the sake of living and having no proper judgment of the things you have done in that first life?

“the atmosphere wasn’t comfortable at all, i was twitching all the time… you were young, in your 30′s.. you had an Abaya & sheilah on and was greeting family members and friends who you actually couldn’t recognize.. everyone was in an awkward mood due to the fact that you cannot remember them but still shook hands and exchanged hugs and kisses, very formally… There came my turn, my heart was weary.. but i greeted you… i kissed your cheeks and told you i am “H”, i am your grand daughter… you said you knew me…. you said that you recognize me very well and have not forgotten me… the rush of blood in me continued until my eyes were wide open, & the dream faded into the background of my awakening… the joy of recognition was indescribable, yet, my heart still feels you came for a reason… a very good reason which i cannot comprehend… yet…”

Moodiness

I’m pretty annoyed at the fact that i tend to drift from project to another, goal to another, without fully finish any most of the time! please if you do know a good book that could teach me how to FOCUS on one thing at a time, do share the title, becuase i am seriously sick of jumping from one thing to another all the time >_<

Arabic

I’m loving the Arabic language these days more than ever, maybe it’s the style of book I’m reading, but it’s a beautiful language, i never get this feeling when I’m reading an English book. I’m almost done with the book

ثلاثية غرناطة للكاتبة رضوى عاشور

I like it, but have very contradicted feelings about it which i would share soon enshallah (unless i keep on jumping from one thing to another & end up forgetting! ughhh) hopefully, not.

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My life in shots..

March 20th, 2011

A little preview of what’s around me..


My sanctuary, i don’t know when I’ll find the perfect reading couch for my room

I’ve been sketching (mind you, they’re bad sketches) , calculating (very funny since i suck in math) & designing.

I’ve also been consuming lotsa panadol (as usual), doing lotsa concealing (not the best skin at the moment) & buying accessories, which aren’t Gold? it kills my mum, but commmon, I really can’t care less about gold & jewelry in general, I’d rather buy something that looks good, it might cost as much as gold, which could sound pathetic, but Oh well, I really am not in love with gold, unless it’s a special gift from a special person.

Been also in a mood for design, I’ve been re-branding, branding & designing for fun, which I haven’t done in aaaaages. I love design, I love art, I love anything beautiful, but hey, who doesn’t?

& I also visited Abu Dhabi Book Fair for the first time accompanied by dearest Reem. I loved being there, I didn’t even notice how time flew by so quickly while we haven’t even walked through the whole place. I also came out with 4 books? I think i behaved & deserve more books in the near future, ehem.

My bedside table is always a mess, what you see now is an AFTER image, not sure I’m brave enough yet to share the REALLY messy side of me. Don’t you sometimes feel that so many books should remain next to you?  like I’d really read all 13 books that are next to me, all at once? I just can’t help it. I’m used to having my old red bookshelf right in front of me in my room. Now, I’m really trying to cope with having a little library.

I scribble a lot, since school days. Especially during classes or when I’m on the phone. You can actually guess all that’s being said in class or through the phone if you just have a look at my scribbles. I think i inherited this from my mum. Her case though is more severe, for she used to scribble & sketch right on the telephone. actually, it reached most of my siblings too, one of them would sketch in any book laying in front of her, another would also leave some marks on your papers, & the 4 year old doesn’t really care what she draws on, even if it’s a car’s arm rest.

Haraaaam, mum caught her when she was drawing the second eye, she was 3 yrs old here, where’s all the talk about allowing you kids to express themselves, mum? :P

Before i hit Publish, I’d like to know, what type/genre of books would you like to receive in a giveaway? I’ve mentioned earlier that i have some extra copies of some books which I’ve purchased by mistake, the ones close by right now are “The Mill on the Floss” by Eliot and ” The girl with the dragon tattoo”by Stieg Larsson, which is the first book of the famous millennium series. I also have Amr Khalid’s book خواطر قرآنية & much more which I’ve either given away already or haven’t moved over to this library. Anyhowww, do let me know what type of books you’d like in a giveway. Novels? biographies? religious? Self help? Arabic or English… whatever it may be… I also tend to buy two copies of the books i love in case I meet someone who’d love to own the book, so do check out some of my favorite books on my shelfari.

PS. the photos above are taken with the iPhone App Andigraph, love how it resembles a Super Sampler or an Action Sampler, only digital.

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What i’ve been upto

March 7th, 2011

Aaaas usual, i disappear  for months and then guilt drags me all the way back here to blog. I cannot say i was busy but my mind has been occupied with many things. I’m trying to cope with all the changes in my life & alhamdulillah, i think i’m doing just fine (minus the jobless state, not like i’m applying anywhere anyways lol). I’ve been trying to engage myself in different things & trying to find a suitable masters degree to enroll in,   haven’t succeeded yet because i just can’t get myself to accept a common major for my masters. Sometimes i really feel the urge to shoot myself.

Anyways, so recently, i was blessed with a speedy visit to Makkah <3 2 nights felt like a whole month, God how i miss the Athan & the sight of Kaaba & the serenity of it all…

This was actually a Kaaba view room, do you even see the tip of the Kaaba? :P

another thing I’ve been up to was painting, no not painting pictures, God know I’ve lost this talent years ago (thanks for Photoshop & co). I always hope that i never accidentally meet any of my art teachers from school days, or ill really feel embarrassed of the fact that i can no longer draw a decent circle anymore >_<. Anyways, so I’ve been painting furniture! I happen to love the color white, & thought of painting something for my living room. I bought a framed mirror from Homes R us and headed straight home to paint it all white. I also ended up painting an old side table that happened to be in front of me :P.

& thats where they’re both placed right now. I love handy work, i could work as a plumber for all i care, i just love doing things myself & seeing the end result. It’s probably why i like being a graphic designer rather than an IT fella. (talk about 4.5 years spent studying IT :P)

I’ll cut this short for now because now is really not the right time to be blogging, i should be somehwere else, but i always do things at the wrong time so that’s no problem. I’m working on something exciting with my sisters these days and will want to share it with you my dear readers as soon as it’s all set to goooo,

wish me luck, & ill wish you love :)

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